Survey-ie thing

So I nicked this from Steph's blog, where she nicked it from someone else. But hey, I'm bored and I haven't blogges in forever. Think of this as a nice, easing my way back in.

A. Age: 19 (forever a child at heart)

B. Bed size: single, but you're welcome to join me anyway... ;)
C. Chore that you hate: Mopping, which includes sweeping beforehand, which I also hate
D. Dogs:  1 Pomeranian (4 cats, more a cat person!) <--- possible cheating
E. Essential start to your day: Breakfast, devotional
F. Favourite color: Green (along with browns and blue, earthy tones)
G. Gold or Silver: Silver
H. Height: 5 foot 4 and three quarters <--- how I say it
I. Instruments you play: piano, guitar, and flute. (want to play violin) 
J. Job title: Student. Part time cashier 
K. Kids: None right now, maybe later!
L. Live: TN! 
M. Mother's name: why do you want to know? ARE YOU STEALING MY IDENTITY!?
N. Nicknames: Tay
O. Overnight hospital stays: Sort of, for kindey stones. Mainly becuase they bug me at night so we get there at night and stay part of a day. One time when I wouldn't stop vomiting.
P. Pet peeve: Too much commotion and noise (I can only handle my loudness)
Q. Quote from a movie: " If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything" Marty McFly -Back to the Future
R. Right or left handed: Right
S. Siblings: One bother and one sister
T. Time you wake up: Whenever I feel like it... I have a job now, so whenever I need to for that
U. Underwear: Always, bikini kind?
V. Vegetable you hate: All of them really but squash is sketchy
W. What makes you run late: I didn't get up early, or lost track of time.
X. X-Rays you've had: Lots...
Y. Yummy food that you make: Omelets with tomatoes and onions
Z. Zoo animal: Tigers


So there, now you know. 
Also in other news, I got a job at wal mart as a cashier. I will start training tomorrow, and I hope it goes well!


Pictures:

Things found upon cleaning..

I was rearranging my room/cleaning up the massive mess it is becuase if I don't have a I job I have to do SOMETHING productive.

I found a limerick I wrote forever ago and it was kinda funny:
Some find poetry awful
Some just think it unlawful
For words to rhyme
Upon the line
To them it's positively loath-ful

then some angsty poems:
With that negative attitude,
That dirty scowl,
You look like a panther
Out on the prowl.
You start to wonder why
No one will talk to you.
"Well they're all stuck up," you say,
Or maybe it;s you sour attitude.
Did you ever stop
And think to yourself,
"Maybe if i was nicer,
A new, better self!"
But no, you did not,
You didn't even try.
All you do is whine and moan,
The sit at home and cry.

Maybe I had some anger issues...
And now another mildly cynical one (sounds like it to me0
Beauty's on the inside,
Or that's what they seem to say.
Bit in this world,
This age and day
Beauty's on the outside.

Beauty's on the inside.
Whoever spoke those words
Didn't see how important to girls
To not be considered nerds.
Beauty's on the outside.

Beauty's on the inside,
Then why are all celebs thin?
Love yourself for who you are
And then you don't fit in.
Beauty's on the outside.

Beauty's on the inside
But no on seems to care!
All they want to be is skinny,
To live on nothing but air.
Beauty's on the outside.

Beauty's on the inside,
so many beautiful people
Lost to the war of being thin,
Sucked into the big black hole,
Beauty's on the outside.

Beauty's on the outside,
It's what the media tells,
For tons of girls fall for it,
Their souls now empty wells
There's no beauty.

What ever happened to real beauty?
We may never know!
With all teh girls starving thin,
No happiness just woe!

Beauty is really on the inside,
Though very few know,
I wish someone would help them
To see God's heavenly glow!

These were all written during my sophomore year in high school

Today we learn about the wild...

So as I have nothing to do I have decided to start learning me some knowledge. So I started with fish. The fish that live in the river I live next to are scary. I mean like I would not want to see that thing in real life. Anywhere from the giant fish monsters to the small sharped tooth fish, its kind of unnerving to think thats in the waters where you boat, fish and swim.

Next was animal noises. Straight up to really give the truth, be prepared if you go into the woods at night becuase none of the noises these animals make sound like they are of this world. No seriously, go look up what deer sound like. I know, I know. We see them all the time, but have you ever HEARD one? It's freakish. Same with an elk. So other than all animals being aliens we should be good.

Also, evidently throughout the ages long haired, hairy men have been living in the forests of everywhere pretending to be everything from bigfoot to a werewolf. So what out for them when you go for a walk. Some of them eat people, especially if you are a baby, small child, or woman.

Running errands and thoughts about life...

You know those woman that are just so skinny and pretty? They get all the boys and you think, if you could just lose some weight, do this and that, that life would be better? If only, if only then life would bet better. But truth is: it's not. Everyone has problems, and one of them is that we LOVE to focus on the negative things in life. Somethings always wrong, there is always something to complain about, worry over. We run in circles over and over in our minds about silly things that are out of our control. I'm not trying to be all deep here, or philosophical  I'm just trying to be honest about a subject that I deal with and know others must struggle with too.
Truth is we all hurt, we all struggle, we all worry and yet, if we're lucky, we are still alive at the end of the day.  It all has to do with how we deal with these challenges in life. In fact, are they problems to you or are they just challenges that you must face. Will this challenge really be the end of the world? Most likely it isn't.
Sometimes in life you just have to just relax and deal with the fact you cannot change somethings and somethings are not in your control. Actually, there is someone who can take those issues, your challenges and turn them into productive quests that will leave you with treasures that you will cherish for all of eternity... that's right the ever present man that you always forget about and tell him you can handle it.... God.

What have I done?

What have I done, or even accomplished this year? So much? So little? What have I learned?

I've completed my first year of college, finished my first semester of nursing. I've met new people, learned things about them, and things about myself. I've matured yet I'm still so young and immature. I've seen people struggle and people triumph, whether it have been becuase of school or real life issues at hand. I've changed and watched others change, but yet we all still kinda remain the same (I swear that sounds like some song, what song?!).

I've discovered more of whom I am and who I want to be. I've been shown the flaws I have and I want to fix them. I've discovered that while I am majoring in nursing, I still want to be creative, HAVE to be creative.

I also learned that I sound like Hannah Montana, and that someday I WILL walk into KRs and sing the Hannah Montana theme song...
I learned I'm stronger than I thought I was, but I recognize I'm still weak. I've grown up but I'm still a kid.

Life doesn't change based on how you look but on how you see life... and sometimes being the "smart" one means being lonely, but being smart isn't everything. Sometimes you have to have a little fun!

im trying to paint a pic of this

Amelia Island, FL: where I would like to be

Great show! Last few episodes have made up for the less stellar ones earlier

Bo Bo likes some old time religion

My first impressionist painting... I like to think I have talent 

Playing with some water colors

Wishing I was at the beach WHILE playing with water colors

Worries, anxiety and me

If there was one thing I did well, it was, and still is, worrying. Now I'm not talking about worrying about school and what not. Not that I do not worry, but I have gotten most of that under control, the way I like it. What I'm talking about is getting a job, signing up for summer classes, real life issues I cannot control.

And it seems lately all these things have come to a head and are all bearing down on me and I just don't know how much longer I can stand the pressure. I feel like I have lost the will to try anymore becuase the harder I try the less is seems things turn out for the better. It's like why even bother, it probably won't work out anyway.

To only burden me further is just family issues coupled with money issues (remember job?). But really who needs money when you aren't really going to have a ton of friends to hang out with anyway. Friends that are busy with their lives, their friends, and their jobs... which is perfectly understandable, I just wish I at least had a job to keep me busy.

And you know what? Why do I have to be all angsty like this. I swear I thought I left the teenager-ness behind, maybe when I'm 20 that'll happen. At least most people don't see me as that emotional. I mean I don't around crying and expressing everything I feel all the time...

Damn real lie is starting to catch up to me and is stacking up the pressure. i'm not allowed to be that kid anymore, I have to get a job, do this and that all by myself. And sometimes I think others, as well as I, forget I'm only 18, almost 19. I'm seriously not that old at all and its just like, what would I give to be able to goof off one more summer with people, one more year to just have fun with friends.

I know I haven't blogged in a long time but hey, I have been busy. I think this one is intense enough to make up for all the missed ones.

Day after day, 

smile after smile, 

you cruise along though life,

 mile by mile. 

Most things slide off your back,

not bothered at all

but eventually they start to pile up,

 swaying and leaning, ready to fall.

You've lost your will to conquer the world, 

that once fire that burned in your heart

now it's all you can do to go to class,

that spark gone, leaving you in the dark.

All those friends you once had, 

were nothing more than acquittances.

And now the few close ones, 

are heading to different places.

You feel alone in this crazy world,

not a soul to hold your hand

but the the Almighty God,

Who can guide you through this land

You've lost your will to conquer the world, 

that once fire that burned in your heart

now it's all you can do to go to class,

that spark gone, leaving you in the dark.

Every time you fall, you get back up.

But only for a while can one stand it all 

But now, after all this time,

you'd rather stay, curled up in a ball.

You don't though, you know you have to,

continue the day and keep moving

Becuase life stops for no one,

no one wants to be left behind? now do they?

I miss blogging

I miss coming on here and rambling about absolutely nothing, but now it seems like i don't have the time to or even the patience to write what I'm feeling.
As I sit here so bored in the library I think how I could be doing something more important, sucha s study for that lecture quiz or nursing final. But, nah, I'd rather chill.
Then my days are filled with wondering what I will do. For example. I have that nursing exam at 10AM tomorrow. I also have Nutrition, and a test in it, at 6PM. So should I work out at 8AM and then go to the final or work out after the final? Its the difference of waking up at 6 and waking up at like 9. Also, if I work out after I won't be so time contrained, but then again I need to study for said nutrition test and probably go home and chill after. But I might also get done with the exam early so I could just workout and be done by like 1 or something simple like that.
Seriously, this is what occupies my thoughts. That and what do I need to do now, what do I need to study for , that test is when, ECT.
I was going to do something this break but decided not to. I think most would agree that sharing living accomodation with 3 members of the opposite sex you just met Saturday is not the best of ideas.
So interesting thing. We learned in nursing about different cultures and how they opperate, including our own in comparison. Seems like the U.S. and potentially just some other "developed" countries are terribly worried about time. Everyone else seems to be focused on the here and now and won't adhere to our strict scheduales. We however base our focus on the future and what we will do. Every second of everyday planned out. Doing this or that and being there one time.... Always rushing and never quite enjoying life.

well, well, well now...

I haven't blogged in a while. I just haven't had the time or patience to sit down and write one. Every week has a huge test in it followed by numerous spontaneous activities.
Mondays begin like most days, with me waking up in time to drop the sibling off at school and go work out. i shower at the gym and go to my first class at 10. i proceed to be lectured for 2 hours only to book over to my next class in 10 minutes on the other side of campus. At one I am finally down, but wait there is tutoring at 3:30. I end up either going home or going to study at some place on campus. This is also how Wednesday and Friday work. Except Friday doesn't have tutoring.
Tuesdays now have me going to clinicals. So that means get up at 4.45AM get ready and such and grab snack and breakfast. Leave house around 5.15AM. Pick up people at SAU and leave for Memorial Hospital. Hopefully we will get there wit minor difficulty, park in the crazy 2 lane parking garage. Walk on in and wait to be debriefed around 6.30.
Down around 12 and head over to SAU again to drop off the passengers.
Skillz lab calls for me at 3, and I'm there until 5. At 6 I must be at  my least exciting class of Nutrition. It's boring, it's at night, I got up early, and it goes on and one until 8.40. By then I somehow manage to drag my butt home.
We already gave an idea about Wednesday, so Thursday I have mercy and can sleep in. I have lab at 12.30 but I like to work out at 10 and go to convo at 11 so I can add some use to the day. And I need those convos. Lab can last for the whole time, until 3.15, or just part of the time... But I will probably go home. Sometimes we have nursing tests, and those are at 6pm...why we couldn't have them in class is odd but its how it roles.
I kind of want to go to IV lab too, which is on Thursday from 6.30 to 7.30.
Friday after 1 I either will go home or go into town and chill with my dad. The latter is increasingly more common.
Saturday is the best and I just chill and hang with friends. Saturday night fun is had and good times are made.
Sunday I wake up with the dread of the new week that has arrived. I realize I have to get down to it and work out and go study and stuff...

Now since Valentine's Day is almost here i realize how many people actually have significant others and I don't... Well, FOREVER ALONE
Now for some hot guy pics

i'm a bored college student not studying for that quiz tomorrow

You,

are so strong,

so lively and carefree. 

Always a smile upon your face, 

making the best of what will be.

You,

always there to cheer me up,

to readjust my focus.

Knowing somehow that I, that we, would make it through,

with your presence as my solace.

I never told you, how much I really cared, 

that you meant everything to me. 

Helped me when I was scared. 

Your guiding light showed me the way

yet I took another path,

all for the sake of a power play

For all your blessing i became disenchanted

I never thanked you once

Took everything for granted

You,

truly care for me like no one ever has,

the one true friend, in life's lonely land.

Made me believe in myself,

no matter the test, I would still stand.

You,

comforted me in the darkest of times,

when all hope was lost, and I had lost my way.

You knew my every secret, the monster inside,

yet you helped keep that same monster at bay.

Yet here we stand,

back at the beginning,

me drowning in water grasping for your hand.

To break this pattern I must try,

For this is not how relationships work, 

and I just might die.

I think I'm so clever, 

I can do all, but somehow I know,

your way is better.

Now i'm breaking the cycle, the toxic twists and turns.

We're in this together,

you,

and 

I.

Its now or never.

You and I against the world

Haven't posted in a while

So I thought I should put on up otherwise I will just abandon this escapade and only be found on tumblr.

I had my first nursing test and left the room about 20 minutes in... I was done... and I got a 92%...

at this point I know I can make it through school and that it is not as impossible as it seems and that it will get better and more exciting from here on out.

I had the worst lab that was pointless and left me with this massive headache... that continued all today...

but I worked out and it was all better... we  not the headache, but I felt better

gay or not... this is still more precious than you could ever be

*no comment* LOL

The angsty rambling of a poor college student

I don't really want to whine about it all again, but really SAU is no better than any other school. It presents a new way to hate Christians and SDAs, but other than stupid rich kids it no different. Only different is they boast about their Christ-likeness and they are full of pompous asses... some are exempt, but still too many are not.

Anyway in other less angsty news, I've been reading the Harry Potter books and I'm almost done with the 3rd going on to the fourth. I am also making a banging scarf and cosey blanket via crochet. It's nerdy I know, but somehow it  makes me feel accomplished and I get something awesome out of it too.

Remember that awesome song thing I posted a while back? The one I didn't write? Yeah, that one. Well I have figured out the chords for it, or nearly enough. So I can play it! Maybe I can share it with you Steph if I come over anytime soon, ya know. I think you would like it a lot.

Still watching Dexter over these snow days, I'm up to season 4 like 4th or 5th episode. Soon season 5 will be devoured as well. I love my sociopathic killer and his family!

New angsty-esque news. I question whether or not I want to be a nurse. But I mean what would I be other wise? Doctor sounds like fun, but with modern times it seems like an unstable move when I can just be an NP. I could do some research job, but then I'd be out of the lab so often to randomly talk to people I wouldn't get work done and got stir crazy. Artist is really out of the question as well as acting and anything entrepreneurship, as well I don't have enough drive, or haven't found anything that makes me want to do them that badly. I could counsel people, but wait, that can be done by a nurse too. Lawyer? Sounds kind of boring and well I hate arguing a ton, even though I enjoy it thoroughly. I would just get to worked up.

So more growing upness is happening so I'm more confused than I could ever be. Have not one to tell me what to do, give advise or whatever. I have no idea what the future holds and I'm terrified.

And if that square peg, round hole feeling won't go away. Damn cliches.

that's John's "dipshit" face

you watch interviews of these two and you begin to wonder... are they?

odd poem thing

Each morning I wake up,
sleep calling my name the whole way through.
begrudgingly getting ready,
do what everyone else will do.
But A new day waits,
ideas to be discovered.
New things to learn,
secrets to be uncovered.
Will you head the call of normality?
or will you stand up and defy reality?

Just as I am

I lie awake

Thinking how much more can I fake?

Don't even ask

You might see the man behind the mask

This conterfit soul is the price I pay for the games I play

But when you catch me off my guard

You see through the charade

Go beyond the disguise

You see me just as I am

And what comes through?

Can you hear me calling?

Can you stop me falling?

I'm only too aware

It's down to you

You believing in me

Seeing things within me

I never knew were there

Your faith can win me

You love me just as I am

When I'm on the run

And it feels like all my days are done

I look ahead

Feel the fears come tumbling through my head

Then you arrive, all my fears subside

Keep my hopes alive

'Cause when you see through all the lies

Look me in the eyes

Go beyond the disguise

You see me just as I am!

Can you hear me calling? (hear me calling?)

Can you stop me falling? (Can you stop me falling?)

Down, down to you

You believing in me (believing in me)

Seeing things within me (within me)

I never, never knew were there!

-Written for season 4, episode 6 of Cutting It

I really like the song...

Over break I did not blog or apply myself to anything productive

So basically, I took break as a serious break, from learning to exercising to really actually moving. I've watched so many new TV shows it's not funny and I've just begun to feel the anxiety of returning to school. I have a nursing orientation this evening and I'm mildly nervous that I will forget something. I've gotten the certifications to work at each hospital we get to choose this semester for clinicals. I promise I won't break HIPAA and the like. The books have been bought and the classes selected and it's only a few more days before I start off on the roller coaster of life that I embark upon so hesitantly.
What I want to be has always beens some scientific job. Nursing somehow found its way into my heart and has not left. I question if I will be a good nurse or even if I should do this job. But I don't see myself doing anything else. If anything it would be just another job that helped people and probably took up a substantial amount of my life.
Christmas has come and gone and a new year is here. Last year was a blast and yet I would not like to do it all over again. Maybe go to New York City again, and chill in high school some more, but one of those is really not reasonable. Over time I become more adult, and I'm not sure what that means. I am still trying to find that fun adult, not the boring, side and embrace it.

pictures?

Primeval: fricking awesome show! While they continue to kill off every one of my favorite characters, I still love it. 

Began reading the Harry Potter books... Also this pic shows my angst at school starting again and well Tom Felton is hot so theres really no need to explain more.

Discovered the TV show Merlin this year and caught up on it. Sadly I have to wait for forever for the next season!

still trying to make this!

just because

rest of my life