Worries, anxiety and me

If there was one thing I did well, it was, and still is, worrying. Now I'm not talking about worrying about school and what not. Not that I do not worry, but I have gotten most of that under control, the way I like it. What I'm talking about is getting a job, signing up for summer classes, real life issues I cannot control.

And it seems lately all these things have come to a head and are all bearing down on me and I just don't know how much longer I can stand the pressure. I feel like I have lost the will to try anymore becuase the harder I try the less is seems things turn out for the better. It's like why even bother, it probably won't work out anyway.

To only burden me further is just family issues coupled with money issues (remember job?). But really who needs money when you aren't really going to have a ton of friends to hang out with anyway. Friends that are busy with their lives, their friends, and their jobs... which is perfectly understandable, I just wish I at least had a job to keep me busy.

And you know what? Why do I have to be all angsty like this. I swear I thought I left the teenager-ness behind, maybe when I'm 20 that'll happen. At least most people don't see me as that emotional. I mean I don't around crying and expressing everything I feel all the time...

Damn real lie is starting to catch up to me and is stacking up the pressure. i'm not allowed to be that kid anymore, I have to get a job, do this and that all by myself. And sometimes I think others, as well as I, forget I'm only 18, almost 19. I'm seriously not that old at all and its just like, what would I give to be able to goof off one more summer with people, one more year to just have fun with friends.

I know I haven't blogged in a long time but hey, I have been busy. I think this one is intense enough to make up for all the missed ones.

Day after day, 

smile after smile, 

you cruise along though life,

 mile by mile. 

Most things slide off your back,

not bothered at all

but eventually they start to pile up,

 swaying and leaning, ready to fall.

You've lost your will to conquer the world, 

that once fire that burned in your heart

now it's all you can do to go to class,

that spark gone, leaving you in the dark.

All those friends you once had, 

were nothing more than acquittances.

And now the few close ones, 

are heading to different places.

You feel alone in this crazy world,

not a soul to hold your hand

but the the Almighty God,

Who can guide you through this land

You've lost your will to conquer the world, 

that once fire that burned in your heart

now it's all you can do to go to class,

that spark gone, leaving you in the dark.

Every time you fall, you get back up.

But only for a while can one stand it all 

But now, after all this time,

you'd rather stay, curled up in a ball.

You don't though, you know you have to,

continue the day and keep moving

Becuase life stops for no one,

no one wants to be left behind? now do they?