I miss blogging

I miss coming on here and rambling about absolutely nothing, but now it seems like i don't have the time to or even the patience to write what I'm feeling.
As I sit here so bored in the library I think how I could be doing something more important, sucha s study for that lecture quiz or nursing final. But, nah, I'd rather chill.
Then my days are filled with wondering what I will do. For example. I have that nursing exam at 10AM tomorrow. I also have Nutrition, and a test in it, at 6PM. So should I work out at 8AM and then go to the final or work out after the final? Its the difference of waking up at 6 and waking up at like 9. Also, if I work out after I won't be so time contrained, but then again I need to study for said nutrition test and probably go home and chill after. But I might also get done with the exam early so I could just workout and be done by like 1 or something simple like that.
Seriously, this is what occupies my thoughts. That and what do I need to do now, what do I need to study for , that test is when, ECT.
I was going to do something this break but decided not to. I think most would agree that sharing living accomodation with 3 members of the opposite sex you just met Saturday is not the best of ideas.
So interesting thing. We learned in nursing about different cultures and how they opperate, including our own in comparison. Seems like the U.S. and potentially just some other "developed" countries are terribly worried about time. Everyone else seems to be focused on the here and now and won't adhere to our strict scheduales. We however base our focus on the future and what we will do. Every second of everyday planned out. Doing this or that and being there one time.... Always rushing and never quite enjoying life.

well, well, well now...

I haven't blogged in a while. I just haven't had the time or patience to sit down and write one. Every week has a huge test in it followed by numerous spontaneous activities.
Mondays begin like most days, with me waking up in time to drop the sibling off at school and go work out. i shower at the gym and go to my first class at 10. i proceed to be lectured for 2 hours only to book over to my next class in 10 minutes on the other side of campus. At one I am finally down, but wait there is tutoring at 3:30. I end up either going home or going to study at some place on campus. This is also how Wednesday and Friday work. Except Friday doesn't have tutoring.
Tuesdays now have me going to clinicals. So that means get up at 4.45AM get ready and such and grab snack and breakfast. Leave house around 5.15AM. Pick up people at SAU and leave for Memorial Hospital. Hopefully we will get there wit minor difficulty, park in the crazy 2 lane parking garage. Walk on in and wait to be debriefed around 6.30.
Down around 12 and head over to SAU again to drop off the passengers.
Skillz lab calls for me at 3, and I'm there until 5. At 6 I must be at  my least exciting class of Nutrition. It's boring, it's at night, I got up early, and it goes on and one until 8.40. By then I somehow manage to drag my butt home.
We already gave an idea about Wednesday, so Thursday I have mercy and can sleep in. I have lab at 12.30 but I like to work out at 10 and go to convo at 11 so I can add some use to the day. And I need those convos. Lab can last for the whole time, until 3.15, or just part of the time... But I will probably go home. Sometimes we have nursing tests, and those are at 6pm...why we couldn't have them in class is odd but its how it roles.
I kind of want to go to IV lab too, which is on Thursday from 6.30 to 7.30.
Friday after 1 I either will go home or go into town and chill with my dad. The latter is increasingly more common.
Saturday is the best and I just chill and hang with friends. Saturday night fun is had and good times are made.
Sunday I wake up with the dread of the new week that has arrived. I realize I have to get down to it and work out and go study and stuff...

Now since Valentine's Day is almost here i realize how many people actually have significant others and I don't... Well, FOREVER ALONE
Now for some hot guy pics

i'm a bored college student not studying for that quiz tomorrow

You,

are so strong,

so lively and carefree. 

Always a smile upon your face, 

making the best of what will be.

You,

always there to cheer me up,

to readjust my focus.

Knowing somehow that I, that we, would make it through,

with your presence as my solace.

I never told you, how much I really cared, 

that you meant everything to me. 

Helped me when I was scared. 

Your guiding light showed me the way

yet I took another path,

all for the sake of a power play

For all your blessing i became disenchanted

I never thanked you once

Took everything for granted

You,

truly care for me like no one ever has,

the one true friend, in life's lonely land.

Made me believe in myself,

no matter the test, I would still stand.

You,

comforted me in the darkest of times,

when all hope was lost, and I had lost my way.

You knew my every secret, the monster inside,

yet you helped keep that same monster at bay.

Yet here we stand,

back at the beginning,

me drowning in water grasping for your hand.

To break this pattern I must try,

For this is not how relationships work, 

and I just might die.

I think I'm so clever, 

I can do all, but somehow I know,

your way is better.

Now i'm breaking the cycle, the toxic twists and turns.

We're in this together,

you,

and 

I.

Its now or never.

You and I against the world

Haven't posted in a while

So I thought I should put on up otherwise I will just abandon this escapade and only be found on tumblr.

I had my first nursing test and left the room about 20 minutes in... I was done... and I got a 92%...

at this point I know I can make it through school and that it is not as impossible as it seems and that it will get better and more exciting from here on out.

I had the worst lab that was pointless and left me with this massive headache... that continued all today...

but I worked out and it was all better... we  not the headache, but I felt better

gay or not... this is still more precious than you could ever be

*no comment* LOL

The angsty rambling of a poor college student

I don't really want to whine about it all again, but really SAU is no better than any other school. It presents a new way to hate Christians and SDAs, but other than stupid rich kids it no different. Only different is they boast about their Christ-likeness and they are full of pompous asses... some are exempt, but still too many are not.

Anyway in other less angsty news, I've been reading the Harry Potter books and I'm almost done with the 3rd going on to the fourth. I am also making a banging scarf and cosey blanket via crochet. It's nerdy I know, but somehow it  makes me feel accomplished and I get something awesome out of it too.

Remember that awesome song thing I posted a while back? The one I didn't write? Yeah, that one. Well I have figured out the chords for it, or nearly enough. So I can play it! Maybe I can share it with you Steph if I come over anytime soon, ya know. I think you would like it a lot.

Still watching Dexter over these snow days, I'm up to season 4 like 4th or 5th episode. Soon season 5 will be devoured as well. I love my sociopathic killer and his family!

New angsty-esque news. I question whether or not I want to be a nurse. But I mean what would I be other wise? Doctor sounds like fun, but with modern times it seems like an unstable move when I can just be an NP. I could do some research job, but then I'd be out of the lab so often to randomly talk to people I wouldn't get work done and got stir crazy. Artist is really out of the question as well as acting and anything entrepreneurship, as well I don't have enough drive, or haven't found anything that makes me want to do them that badly. I could counsel people, but wait, that can be done by a nurse too. Lawyer? Sounds kind of boring and well I hate arguing a ton, even though I enjoy it thoroughly. I would just get to worked up.

So more growing upness is happening so I'm more confused than I could ever be. Have not one to tell me what to do, give advise or whatever. I have no idea what the future holds and I'm terrified.

And if that square peg, round hole feeling won't go away. Damn cliches.

that's John's "dipshit" face

you watch interviews of these two and you begin to wonder... are they?

odd poem thing

Each morning I wake up,
sleep calling my name the whole way through.
begrudgingly getting ready,
do what everyone else will do.
But A new day waits,
ideas to be discovered.
New things to learn,
secrets to be uncovered.
Will you head the call of normality?
or will you stand up and defy reality?

Just as I am

I lie awake

Thinking how much more can I fake?

Don't even ask

You might see the man behind the mask

This conterfit soul is the price I pay for the games I play

But when you catch me off my guard

You see through the charade

Go beyond the disguise

You see me just as I am

And what comes through?

Can you hear me calling?

Can you stop me falling?

I'm only too aware

It's down to you

You believing in me

Seeing things within me

I never knew were there

Your faith can win me

You love me just as I am

When I'm on the run

And it feels like all my days are done

I look ahead

Feel the fears come tumbling through my head

Then you arrive, all my fears subside

Keep my hopes alive

'Cause when you see through all the lies

Look me in the eyes

Go beyond the disguise

You see me just as I am!

Can you hear me calling? (hear me calling?)

Can you stop me falling? (Can you stop me falling?)

Down, down to you

You believing in me (believing in me)

Seeing things within me (within me)

I never, never knew were there!

-Written for season 4, episode 6 of Cutting It

I really like the song...