How do you find the answer....

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth...
-Sherlock Holmes, The Sign of the Four

Sunday, January 23, 2011

i'm a bored college student not studying for that quiz tomorrow

You,
are so strong,
so lively and carefree. 
Always a smile upon your face, 
making the best of what will be.

You,
always there to cheer me up,
to readjust my focus.
Knowing somehow that I, that we, would make it through,
with your presence as my solace.

I never told you, how much I really cared, 
that you meant everything to me. 
Helped me when I was scared. 
Your guiding light showed me the way
yet I took another path,
all for the sake of a power play
For all your blessing i became disenchanted
I never thanked you once
Took everything for granted

You,
truly care for me like no one ever has,
the one true friend, in life's lonely land.
Made me believe in myself,
no matter the test, I would still stand.

You,
comforted me in the darkest of times,
when all hope was lost, and I had lost my way.
You knew my every secret, the monster inside,
yet you helped keep that same monster at bay.

Yet here we stand,
back at the beginning,
me drowning in water grasping for your hand.
To break this pattern I must try,
For this is not how relationships work, 
and I just might die.
I think I'm so clever, 
I can do all, but somehow I know,
your way is better.

Now i'm breaking the cycle, the toxic twists and turns.
We're in this together,
you,
and 
I.
Its now or never.
You and I against the world


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Haven't posted in a while

So I thought I should put on up otherwise I will just abandon this escapade and only be found on tumblr.

I had my first nursing test and left the room about 20 minutes in... I was done... and I got a 92%...
at this point I know I can make it through school and that it is not as impossible as it seems and that it will get better and more exciting from here on out.

I had the worst lab that was pointless and left me with this massive headache... that continued all today...
but I worked out and it was all better... we  not the headache, but I felt better



gay or not... this is still more precious than you could ever be

*no comment* LOL






Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The angsty rambling of a poor college student

I don't really want to whine about it all again, but really SAU is no better than any other school. It presents a new way to hate Christians and SDAs, but other than stupid rich kids it no different. Only different is they boast about their Christ-likeness and they are full of pompous asses... some are exempt, but still too many are not.

Anyway in other less angsty news, I've been reading the Harry Potter books and I'm almost done with the 3rd going on to the fourth. I am also making a banging scarf and cosey blanket via crochet. It's nerdy I know, but somehow it  makes me feel accomplished and I get something awesome out of it too.

Remember that awesome song thing I posted a while back? The one I didn't write? Yeah, that one. Well I have figured out the chords for it, or nearly enough. So I can play it! Maybe I can share it with you Steph if I come over anytime soon, ya know. I think you would like it a lot.

Still watching Dexter over these snow days, I'm up to season 4 like 4th or 5th episode. Soon season 5 will be devoured as well. I love my sociopathic killer and his family!

New angsty-esque news. I question whether or not I want to be a nurse. But I mean what would I be other wise? Doctor sounds like fun, but with modern times it seems like an unstable move when I can just be an NP. I could do some research job, but then I'd be out of the lab so often to randomly talk to people I wouldn't get work done and got stir crazy. Artist is really out of the question as well as acting and anything entrepreneurship, as well I don't have enough drive, or haven't found anything that makes me want to do them that badly. I could counsel people, but wait, that can be done by a nurse too. Lawyer? Sounds kind of boring and well I hate arguing a ton, even though I enjoy it thoroughly. I would just get to worked up.

So more growing upness is happening so I'm more confused than I could ever be. Have not one to tell me what to do, give advise or whatever. I have no idea what the future holds and I'm terrified.

And if that square peg, round hole feeling won't go away. Damn cliches.

that's John's "dipshit" face
you watch interviews of these two and you begin to wonder... are they?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

odd poem thing

Each morning I wake up,
sleep calling my name the whole way through.
begrudgingly getting ready,
do what everyone else will do.
But A new day waits,
ideas to be discovered.
New things to learn,
secrets to be uncovered.
Will you head the call of normality?
or will you stand up and defy reality?

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Just as I am


I lie awake
Thinking how much more can I fake?
Don't even ask
You might see the man behind the mask
This conterfit soul is the price I pay for the games I play
But when you catch me off my guard
You see through the charade
Go beyond the disguise
You see me just as I am
And what comes through?
Can you hear me calling?
Can you stop me falling?
I'm only too aware
It's down to you
You believing in me
Seeing things within me
I never knew were there
Your faith can win me
You love me just as I am
When I'm on the run
And it feels like all my days are done
I look ahead
Feel the fears come tumbling through my head
Then you arrive, all my fears subside
Keep my hopes alive
'Cause when you see through all the lies
Look me in the eyes
Go beyond the disguise
You see me just as I am!
Can you hear me calling? (hear me calling?)
Can you stop me falling? (Can you stop me falling?)
Down, down to you
You believing in me (believing in me)
Seeing things within me (within me)
I never, never knew were there!
-Written for season 4, episode 6 of Cutting It

I really like the song...

Monday, January 3, 2011

Over break I did not blog or apply myself to anything productive

So basically, I took break as a serious break, from learning to exercising to really actually moving. I've watched so many new TV shows it's not funny and I've just begun to feel the anxiety of returning to school. I have a nursing orientation this evening and I'm mildly nervous that I will forget something. I've gotten the certifications to work at each hospital we get to choose this semester for clinicals. I promise I won't break HIPAA and the like. The books have been bought and the classes selected and it's only a few more days before I start off on the roller coaster of life that I embark upon so hesitantly.
What I want to be has always beens some scientific job. Nursing somehow found its way into my heart and has not left. I question if I will be a good nurse or even if I should do this job. But I don't see myself doing anything else. If anything it would be just another job that helped people and probably took up a substantial amount of my life.
Christmas has come and gone and a new year is here. Last year was a blast and yet I would not like to do it all over again. Maybe go to New York City again, and chill in high school some more, but one of those is really not reasonable. Over time I become more adult, and I'm not sure what that means. I am still trying to find that fun adult, not the boring, side and embrace it.

pictures?
Primeval: fricking awesome show! While they continue to kill off every one of my favorite characters, I still love it. 
Began reading the Harry Potter books... Also this pic shows my angst at school starting again and well Tom Felton is hot so theres really no need to explain more.
Discovered the TV show Merlin this year and caught up on it. Sadly I have to wait for forever for the next season!
still trying to make this!
just because
rest of my life





Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Well FINALLY!

Finally finished my very first semester of college. I may not have gotten straight A's, or even a B in one case (potentially), but I'd say I've accomplished a lot. I'm now down with the first half of A&P, done with Survey of Chemistry (at least until I have to take part 2, but that won't be for a bit), owned my other two generals classes and got into the nursing program.
I've learned a lot! Not just from the books either. I've learned lessons like you won't always get A's (ok I already knew this, but it kinda extends now to B's and is more fully reinforced). You will bomb some tests. I've learned how to study more efficiently, even if it was through mistakes and I have not fully mastered that yet. I've learned when to study for things and tests.
I mean I'd say I did pretty good for someone who has slacked a bit, although in relation to chemistry is doesn't matter if you slack or not, your grade is the same. I've watched 3 seasons of Merlin, 2 seasons of Dead Zone, watched the season of Lie to Me and Psych (which has a DOUBLE FEATURE TONIGHT). I haven't read a ton, but I'm getting back into it and learning to balance things and that you should have fun and not just study all the time. I now know HOW important it is for me to socialize with others. I also know that I evidently cannot really make new friends, and the ones I did make was more like they picked me... which actually sounds arrogant but I think it's becuase I'm funny (whether or not a lot of it is intentional is debatable) and potentially, dare I say, friendly. I mean I must not be that bad to hang around as I do hang out with some other students and they seem to enjoy my company as I do theirs, not just trying to survive our encounters.
I have discovered this wicked awesome thing online that allows you to get free books, but you also have to send free books... it's like lending in a more permanent way.
I've watched movies, worked out at the gym, gone out with friends (RED ROBIN) and found out a little about life. so I will make this a list as this is REALLY long for a blog

  1. Holy cow life is messed up. It rally is not all rainbows and butterflies. But life does go on.
  2. No, people do not yield when they are supposed to. Actually it is potentially NEVER.
  3. I found out I may potentially have a whopping dose of bad luck... for real, I'm getting suspicious.
  4. I'm evidently a complete nerd as I could really spend hours in barnes and noble... just being there is awesome...
PICTURES
New obsessions
Potential addiction!
Probably an addiction... and its bad as they are candy.... the real fruit was ok this... this is potentially deadly