Life...

Do you ever have those moments when you suddenly realize that THIS IS YOUR LIFE. Like, what are you going to do with that. Yeah, get your degree and work. But is that enough? Do you just want to go home and watch some TV and then go to bed?
Do you ever have those moments when you think the world must be out to get you when you suddenly realize THAT'S LIFE. Shit happens, and boy does it happen a lot. I mean I may have gotten more than the average soul, but people have their own problems that are still very real to them. Yes, sometimes I do wonder if there is really a power out to get me, but then I think that would make me paranoid, which would make me crazy, would would be less than ideal, but if you can recognize that you are crazy or think so you probably aren't.
Do you ever have those moments when the surreal happens, something you never thought would happen to you, and LIFE GOES ON? Those things you hoped would never happen to you, they only happened to some other poor souls. But then it does. It's bad but not as bad as you think, and you keep going on. You begin to understand that while you have many things to complain about, that you are actually fairly well off compared to some?
Do you ever have those moments when you realize that your LIFE COULD END AT ANY MOMENT? When that moment of when the idea of any invincibility you thought you had shatters. You begin to realize just how dangerous the world is. How miraculous that you actually made it through the day. The moment of understanding that life is more fragile than you could ever imagine and that stupid cliche, everyone says about tomorrow not being a given, is true. That all those horrible things CAN happen to you and those you know and love.
Do you ever have those moments when you realize that you ARE going to die? Whether it be soon or far from now, by a tragedy or natural cause, it is inevitable.
So what are you going to do with your LIFE?

So terribly bored...

So I sit in the library on a dark and dreary Tuesday. It could be possible that I should be doing some homework or studying... but my neck hurts and is rather stiff, making it increasingly difficult to concentrate. So I thought I should write a blog instead.
Some things that worry me:

1. The final exam for my A&P class. The teacher might actually be a bit crazy, and his tests a wicked hard. Not to mention there is an essay on it. Oh and don't forget the other test we have to take before the exam. And the fun lab exam next week.
2. My survey of chemistry grade being an 84%. This should not be happening and must be stopped. I may actually be getting this stuff though and am pretty able now to do problems and get the correct answers. There's supposed to be an optional test at the end that can cover the average scores of the first 4 tests like Jesus Christ covers our sins. At least that is how I understand it, and I think the analogy is fitting.
3. About getting my car fixed or having general transportation in general.
4. About filing all this insurance, carr accident form things.
5. The fact that the car accident made my already misaligned spine super worse, most specifically my neck (which is why it is so stiff and hurts)
6. There are less than 2 weeks left of normal school, exams are just around the corner! There is going to be an awesome break, but then off to more and more classes. Most specifically A&P 2 from the same crazy teacher. Also at the end of it we have to take a standardized test over both A&P 1 and 2. Scary!
7. The fact I cannot spell very well at all, and sometimes misread words as other words....
8. I'm rather upset that I cannot work out the rest of the week as I need to rest. Didn't work out most of last week either so I could chill and rest and rejuvinate.
9. *hmm what else can I possibly complain about* I have very few piaces of clothing that actaully fit me properly.
10. AND WE DO NOT HAVE FRESH FRUIT OR MY FROZEN BERRIES AT HOME TO EAT!!!!

So I complained, there needs to be a little brightside.

1. I didn't break anything in the car accident (THAT I KNOW OF)
2. I have a nice warm and dry home to stay in.
3. I have my laptop, and it works
4. I have my phone.
5. I bought some new sweaters, well only 2.
6. I may actually be understanding chemistry.
7. I have parents that help me out in tough situations
8. I don't live in the dorm.
9. I'm still clinging to an A- in the A&P, which is a miracle, but I get a B in one of THE easiest classes.
10. I have not, as of yet, spotted a zombie.
11. We have netflix.
12. I have someone's car to borrow for the time being.
13. Christmas will be here soon... even though it really is not a favorite holiday of mine to celebrate. But I do love all those cute, heart warming movies! and A Christmas Carol (by the muppets of course)
14. I'm not paralyzed! 
15. I continue to live through each day even though I'm terribly clumsy and may one day accidentally fall on a knife... it would happen...
16. Even though I cannot work out at the moment, I have an awesome gym that I can work out in.
17. This next lab exam should not be as hard as the last.
18. My family feeds me enough for me to get by( only that though because I prefer not to eat frozen food you must microwave.heat in oven, nor food friend in grease)
19. I really have my whole life ahead of me, and so far I've learned some great life lessons.
20. I have my guitar and can play it!! YAY!
21. One day, I am telling you, I will get a violin and learn to play. It will happen.

There needs to be photos!

Bobby getting his Victorian swag on.

Of car accidents and towing companies...

Well, it finally happened and I got to experience my very first accident. The car, needs a bumper and some windshield wiper thingy container replaced. The accident was not my fault becuase we all know green light means go and when on turns left they must yield on green to oncoming traffic. You know, maybe I should not have assumed that someone was going to obey the law and not turn out in front of me, but somehow I chose that moment to have faith in humanity that there is good in the world. No. The lady was nice about it though and called the police. I tried not to cry and called my mom and dad frantically. Told the police my story and called the tow truck. Called the insurance and got her info and proceeded to continue with the rest of the hoo-bla. Well 2 hours later the tow truck shows up, well it was free so I mean what can you expect. But then they took it to my dad's where the grounds-keeper told the man he could not leave the car there. O' Mr. Grounds-keeper you do not have the clout to make such a statement. I found out after my dad called me around 8.30, more than an hour after they had picked up my car, and he had heard nothing. Frowns on my end of the phone, but long story short they had the wrong number, blah blah blah, they returned the car promptly.

I cried a bunch and had to tell friends why I left them alone in the freezing park and why I wasn't in town... to which I just had to cry while talking to them. *I cry when I get scared... I really can't control it... darn parasympathetic nervous system!* but I ended up going into town anyway eating pizza and getting Starbucks

GET THIS!

At Starbucks me and Des were waiting in line, just talking about what drink we could get, we didn't have enough cash, so we'd put it on a card. This lady in front of us tells us she will pay for our drinks, we just put out cash in the tip jar. She said she normally had her 2 daughters with her and since she didn't she was going to buy us some. She said just do it someday for someone else. It could be tomorrow, a week from now or 10 years. We talked and she turned out to be a criminal psychologist, doing profiling and the sort. We told her our majors and where we went to school, and she was a real nice lady. After a car accident, and being down a bit it really helped perk me up. And warm my soul that sometimes there are people who are kind and inspire me to be more so. There was a little holiday spirit happening too, but that might has just been my chai latte. She insisted we both get ventis!!!!

I wept today(I'm pretty sure that is what it was man, this was not just crying, this was intense crying) becuase I'm just so overwhelmed about exams (especially with out ridiculously hard A&P teach) and how I don't get chemistry and how I have no one to help me and now I don't have a car for a bit.... yeah... I was a bit upset....

ok, not that I'm complaining, but I thought I was great after the accident... as today wore on I have only become more sore... :(

But bright-side!

1. I'm okay, and didn't break anything, have to go to ER ECT
2. The car only has minimal damage as compared as to what it could have been
3. It was only me in the car, and only the other driver.
4. We didn't hit pedestrians in the process of the accident (ok so not as likely, but I am a little paranoid about hitting pedestrians)
5. The other driver is alive.
6. It was not my fault and it is about as good as set in stone that it was her fault as she even got a citation.
7. The cop was nice, especially for a Collegedale cop.
8. Friends were nice and offered to pick me and so we could all still go out. Sarah and Cullen even stopped by.
9. My mom assures me that I won't get a subdural hematoma from this...
10. It was really not that bad of an accident and it could have been much worse....

This kid is too precious.... 

Yeah, newest obsession is Merlin... DONT JUDGE ME

Some things...

For one, there is a tumblr with the name fuckbees, which I thought was terribly hilarious. Perhaps too much so.
Speaking of perhaps'. I think, perhaps, that my favorite neighborhood in Chattanooga is Drake Forrest. Not becuase of their houses or anything. But becuase their streets are in the theme of King Arthur and the Arthurian legend. With streets like Merlin and Guinevere, how can you lose?
You know people always ask how someone could do that, or why did they. Especially in the Bible study settings... For example, how could this person kill this other person and directly disobey an order, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. I think we should all realize it is because they are HUMAN. Yes, you are perfectly capable of being evil like that; there may even be circumstances you have not thought of, but would justifiably warrant such a despicable action. So stop bashing all these people, you do the same thing too.
It's break and I'm so over classes I wish it would just all go away for good. With a 78% on a last test and lab exam , I'm less than pleased and/or excited about the A&P class/lab. Also, I have not a clue what's happening in chemistry and it is literally so frustrating that I almost cry. I mean how am I supposed to learn if no one teaches me; it's kind of difficult to teach myself ya know. Not to mention the dreadful monster looming that is the a&P cumulative exam... yeah, I'm not even sure how that will turn out at all.
Studying for hours for one homework assignment, going through each problem, dissecting how they got their answer by looking at notes, the book, problems in the book with answers in the back, examples within the chapter all combined to figure out 2 problems.

A blog full of ranting... mainly about a certain biology department

Dear Dept. Head,
When the average grade for the lab exam was an F, I do believe a mild curve could have been worked out. Do you think that maybe that says more about the teaching and the exam than our actual intelligence?
Sincerely,
Every A&P student

Dear Chemistry teacher,
I feel that when almost the entire class is a grade C or below this far in and continuing to do worse says something about you rather than the amount of time we spend studying. Oh, yes, I did study. I tried and I tried, teaching myself things for hours, just trying to figure out what things were. I did worse on the test than others. Yeah, you suck. that optional test at the end better cover up the average grade for the first 4 tests completely like Jesus covers our sins or I think a little bit of sin might be in my future. For the record, that's not a threat.
Sincerely,
Me, but I feel the rest of the class would either partly or whole heartedly agree.

Dear certain A&P teacher,
I think that maybe you should stop giving ridiculous exams, we can't literally remember it all so it would be know to know on a general level other than tells us what MIGHT be an essay. Not that I  am complaining about you telling us about the essay, for that I am most grateful. But I and some others do believe your tests are nonsensical and illogical overall.
Sincerely,
A concerned group of A&P students
PS we know about your meretricious behavior and favoritism of the female kind, in that creepy way.
PPS do low cut tops = good grade?

Dear population of the United States,
I hate to inform you of this but you appear to be unaware of it. This is a country of freedom. Freedom of speech and religion. This does not mean Christianity and reject all else. It means all religions. They have every right as you do. That's what the USA is. That's why people come from all around so they do not have to be persecuted for their beliefs, but thats just what you do. Oh, and the Christians are teh worst. Putting a "God" stamp on it does not make your ideas something God agrees with; furthermore, He probably will be upset at you misusing His name, after all that's how we get people to turn away from Him (a great way to give someone an eternal death sentence).
Peace,
A concerned citizen.
PS there is separation of church and state and it should stay that way. It says it in the Constitution, even if Christine O'Donnell doesn't think so.

Dear creators of Merlin, Doctor Who, and Sherlock,
I love you shows. Though it might be sad, they are literally sometimes the highlight of my day. Oh, Merlin writers, you should definitely do something with Morgana, she can't keep trying to get the  throne for 10 episodes. It get's old.
Thanks,
ME

Dear Sir Arthur Conan Doyle,
I know people don't tend to like your books now a days becuase of our society and its watered down literature, if you can even call it that. People are not used to reading books with actual vocabularies. Plus, with TV they do not like the books as much as the TV is more entertainment faster. However, Sherlock Holmes is completely hilarious, and so is John Watson. Whether it be a quip, a snide remark or a hidden joke, the books contain a good bit of humor.
Thanks for the awesome stories!
ME

Dear God,
Thanks for the blueberries, apples, bananas, other fruits, bread, nature, fall, warm houses, warm beds, pillows, water, opportunity to attend college, not being grievously ill, for getting into the nursing program, for being able to get all the stuff I need, that I'm not dead, that there are no more dinosaurs, planes, cars, bikes, treadmills with TVs, literature, stories, music, guitars, pianos and a bunch of other stuff.
Thanks again!
Me, your petulant child
PS sorry I don't spend enough time with You.

Dear tension headache,
WHY ARE YOU COMING BACK!!!!
(Q$@(%$#(%*!)

How days go by

I thought it funny when I actually sat down and looked at how I end up studying... it goes a little something life this:

• Get up, read a bit (30 mins later) write paper, (finish 3/4 of paper) Study A&P, then watch episode of Merlin, read, study, read, study, finish paper, sing loudly, polish paper, study, goof off, work out, study with friends, go home, eat, study, eat, read, goof off, sing loudly, read, write a blog, read, other intensely random things, write another blog....

Had a surprisingly good time...

To say I haven't had that much fun in while would be an understatement. Once in college you do not have your built in friends you once had in high school, that built in group who had always been friends. This only exacerbates the problem of finding new friends. Yeah there are those people who are in the same classes as you, ones who share your major, do your clinicals with, it's those people whom you bond with more out of necessity and the common battle you face rather than the actual enjoyment of their company. Not to say you will not find some great friends there, but sometimes you won't.
The weird thing is, now that we are in college I find myself doing just that. Bonding with those who share the common classes and who will be taking classes next semester with me, because we're all in the same boat; but, somehow it feels more out of necessity. Would I really enjoy hanging out with these people? Probably not, and socialization in classes and those tiny moments in between is not enough to keep you from feeling completely alone.
Which brings me to the next point. This last Saturday was pretty much impromptu the whole time. Which kinda includes the Friday before it. It consisted of hanging out with my best friend (STEPH!) and the crazy kids she hangs out with. And I was quite surprised at how much I enjoyed their company. Sure, I may not enjoy some of their musical tastes, nor am I so well versed in music groups as they are, but they were funny and real. And the best part is I felt comfortable being myself.
Which sounds stupid and like a teenager, but I swear there are just some people that you cannot be yourself around and even when "you" slip out they just insult you.
Not these cool cats!
Saturday started off with regular sabbath school followed by listening to Steph's friends play at the "heathen" church. Then we ate at Steph's house because of course her mom makes the best food! Then hanging in the afternoon. I long boarded, and wait for it!, did not fall off or die... yes I did go down hills and stuff.... and I was scared i was probably gonna die, but Stevie was there to help, and should I have fallen and could not get up, I feel he probably would have gotten help. Then we hung out some more, which always consists of guitars and singing before we went to a concert by a local artist. All and all it was a FANTASTIC time and gosh I hope to do it again some time becuase all school and no fun equals EMO!